People talk about internal screaming. They never talk about internal screaming, laughing and crying all at once. It’s like being caught up in a whirlwind; and all you can do is gasp and hold on to your body, your reality, to keep it from being torn apart into fragments.
When you feel like your one sure purpose in life has been robbed from you by your own demons, when you feel empty and hollow inside and it scares you because the one thing you can fill it with is suddenly missing from your sight, it is fading away, and sending waves of anxiety attacks by its incessant wailing, when you feel like you have been kicked in the gut, not once, not twice, but several times, each time resonating harder, and you feel a paralyzing rush of helplessness wash over you, hypnotizing you to just give up because you are just not as good as you thought.
I thought I had finally shone a light into my darkness and driven away my demons, silenced them. But it hasn’t been that long, and what do you do when they come back again with twice the intensity due to absence? I have to keep doing it over and over again, have to have the strength to outlast myself. But do I? Do I?
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